Pocketful Of Sunshine

Who are you?

2009-03-31T18:06:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about this recently while looking at my site meter thing... why do I care if people know who I am? Besides for the whole "there are evil people on the internet" thing, why care? And anyway, it's not like if I tell people my 1st name and where I'm from they'll be able to come stalk me based on what I write. I'm generally a very open person (I'm working on that though because sometimes it's not really a good thing) so it's hard for me to keep my identity such a secret!

Since there are a few people who read this blog who know who I am, I've never written anything too private, so I'm not embarrassed about anything I wrote.
If I had a blog where no one knew who I was, then maybe I'd write private things.
Maybe it's bad for shidduchim? I don't know... I don't think it's "weird" to have a blog, and like I said before- there's not much personal stuff on here.
The only thing I'd have to change is any posts with stories about people in it because if they find this then they'll know I'm talking about them!

On my site meter, there are people from all over reading my blog... it's so weird to think that there's someone in Virginia reading this. I don't think I even know anyone in Virginia! So maybe I'm just really nosy (well not maybe- I know I am lol) and want to know who YOU are, so I'm willing to reveal who I am in hopes to get something in return???

It's like an unofficial rule with blogging that your identity has to stay a secret.

Lost Generation

2009-03-23T16:29:00.001-05:00

My teacher showed us this in class today... it's amazing.

Unfollowing

2009-02-26T18:09:00.002-06:00

You know how "unfriending" someone on facebook is kind of making a statement? What about "unfollowing" someones blog? Is that the same thing?

Kid high on laughing gas

2009-02-08T14:52:00.001-06:00

This is soooo funny!!!

(Sorry, I don't know how to add videos on here...)

I didn't even know I was that frum!

2009-02-04T18:42:00.002-06:00

I saw this on Nameless, Faceless's blog and thought it was cute.

Your Test Scores

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: 2%
Right Wing Modern Orthodox: 34%
Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 84%
Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 70%

The Orthodoxy Test
says that I'm Right Wing Yeshivish

What does it mean?

You know the difference between a Borsalino and a Stetson and your gedolim cards selection is almost complete. You never ever wear jeans, period. The gedolim are probably so proud of you. Why can't all other Jews just be frum like you?

Childrens Lit

2009-02-04T14:48:00.003-06:00

This semester, I am taking a class called "Children's Literature". The other day we were discussing a book titled "When Sophie Gets Angry- Really Really Angry" by Molly Bang.
This is a picture book about a girl who gets angry at her little sister, so she leaves the house, climbs a tree, calms down, and goes back home.

We talked about how the main theme of the book is anger management. One girl pointed out that when the girl came back home, the whole family was doing a puzzle on the table. She said that this could be symbolic to construction, and the family is "putting things back together".

But what if that's not what the author meant? What if she just had them doing a puzzle for no reason? She could of had them coloring or making dinner.

I think people analyze books too much.

Why aren't you married?!

2009-01-22T00:08:00.003-06:00

I was at a wedding tonight, and someone pulled my friend aside to ask her what kind of guy she is looking for. I always think it's really nice when random people think of me or my friends, but some people are just stupid. When they were done talking, my friend told me what she said.
The woman had made a comment that she didn't understand why my friend wasn't married yet- because she's such a great catch!

It really annoys me when people say such ignorant things. Being a "great catch" has nothing to do with when you will find your bashert. I know plenty of 25 year old "great catches" who are still single and looking. I know even more 20 year old "not such great catches" who are happily married. My friend who is 26 recently got married to a 21 year old guy! So for the past 6 years she was going crazy with dating, while he was graduating high school! THAT is why she wasn't engaged yet.
People shouldn't assume that just because a girl is pretty, skinny, and smart that she will be engaged the minute she steps foot off the plane from seminary. Fat, ugly girls get engaged too ya know!

There are reasons for everything.

I wanted to go over there and punch that lady.

Airport etiquette

2009-01-15T00:32:00.001-06:00

When every seat in the terminal is full, people should not be using seats to put their bags on. It is very rude to make people stand because you need a seat for your bag.

Inspired by a 17 year old

2009-01-01T15:21:00.001-06:00

This past shabbos I went to a kiruv shabbaton for high school kids. Friday night my girls and I were sitting in bed eating potato chips and talking (while I cringed but kept quiet because I HATE when people eat on my bed!)

One of the girls goes to public school and has a difficult family situation. She is 17 and has a 22 year old non Jewish boyfriend… the kind that has tattoos and you don’t want to disappoint. She told us all that she loves coming to these shabbatons and they always make her want to keep shabbos, but its very difficult for her because of peer pressure, and her family. She also commented that she kinda feels like she already went so far down that its not even worth it to try and be good again… that she wont be forgiven for all the horrible things she’s done.

My heart broke for her. I almost started crying right there. I told her that Hashem loves her and if she regrets it, then she’s forgiven. I kept telling her this over and over, trying to get that message through to her! I told her that she doesn’t need to start doing everything at once, but she could start with one tiny thing… like for example- to just stop drinking non kosher drinks. No one would know about it but her. I gave her a few more little things she could do, that would be amazing changes, but wouldn’t change her life style at all. And then when she’s ready, she can move on to bigger things.

I came to the shabbaton to inspire these kids, but I came away inspired myself. This girl, who is in a situation so much more difficult than mine, still wants to grow and try to implement religion into her life. How could I not?!

(BTW, Saturday night, she called her boyfriend and broke up with him!)

Welcome

2008-12-24T01:25:00.001-06:00

Welcome to my "new" blog! :-)

(This whole export/import blog mishagas is so cool! It made this VERY easy for me!)

Sick and ugly

2008-12-23T22:33:00.000-06:00

I discovered this new blog, and as I always do when reading a new blog, I go to the 1st posts and start reading backwards.
After the 1st post I wanted to throw up. But I couldn't stop reading. I only got through the first dozen or so, and now I literally feel nauseous.
I made myself stop reading.

I want to cry for her.

YU Chanukah Concert!

2008-12-13T18:17:00.000-06:00

(Stole this from Ezzies blog)

Check out this year's YU Chanukah Concert!

Yeshiva Boys Choir, Kuntsler, Gabay & Menucha

Tickets can be bought at Jewisheventtickets

You can look for me there- I'll be the girl with dark hair with a group of girls.

Yea, I know, so easy.

Road trip

2008-12-10T19:19:00.000-06:00

This is very sad… I'm beginning to think that blogging was just a phase I went through! I'm trying to keep up with it, but I really have no time! I have a ton of half posts started, but I never get around to actually writing them.

Next week starts my winter break (Finally!), and someone here asked me if I could drive their car to New York and then fly back. I figured why not since I won’t be doing anything anyway. I'm leaving here on Tuesday afternoon right after my last (and only) final, and then stopping in Ohio, staying there for the night, and then going to New York early the next day. I feel a little like Frum Satire, taking a road trip alone, but it just didn’t work out to go with anyone else. I had a friend in a different city that wanted to go with me, but that would mean going 2 hours out of my way just to pick her up. I didn’t feel like it was worth it. I'm not nervous or excited about driving alone for almost 18 hours.

I'm going to bring a lot of music, some shiurim on CD/tape, and someone suggested getting a book on tape/CD from the library. Anyone have any other suggestions?

Erev Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T15:38:00.000-06:00

My mother asked me if I could go to the store to get her a few things, and being the wonderful daughter that I am, I happily drove to the store. On erev Thanksgiving!

On the way home, the usual 7 minute drive that it normally takes, took 45 minutes! But I didn’t get annoyed at all because there was a verrrrry interesting person behind me. This olderish lady was behind me in her Volvo. Every few minutes she would start shouting and making lots of hand motions. The lane next to us was closed off ahead of us, so people were trying to switch into our lane. She wouldn’t let anyone switch over in front of her, and when she saw anyone in front of her let someone in, she would start yelling and throwing up her hands. After a little bit, she started driving in between the 2 lanes so no one could pass her. When the light turned green, but we still couldn’t go because traffic was all backed up, she started honking! (Where I live, the only reason you honk is if someone is about to hit you.) She would randomly bang her head down on the steering wheel, and kept looking around very nervously and kept trying to see up ahead to see what was going on. This lady was insane, but she kept me entertained!

Weddinged out

2008-11-25T18:06:00.000-06:00

My life has been crazy for the past few weeks, and is now finally getting back to normal!
2 weeks ago, I went to a kiruv shabbaton, which was of course fun as always, but very tiring! (I really want to post about that- but it will take too long! Maybe another day…) I got home on a Sunday, and then on Tuesday I went to New York. I stayed by a friend in Boro Park and Wednesday and Thursday nights I had friends wedding in Brooklyn. Straight from the Thursday wedding I went with a friend to Far Rockaway and stayed there for shabbos, then came home Sunday morning and went to another friends wedding Sunday night!

And in between all this I had 3 tests.

The 1st wedding was at Ateres Shlomo. I don’t have so much to say about this since I'm not such good friends with the girl who got married and didn’t get to the wedding until after the chupah. My good friend is best friends with her, and she knew I would be in town so she invited me. Everyone wore black.

The 2nd wedding was at The Renaissance Ballroom. That place is gorgeous! It’s smaller than Ateres Shlomo but MUCH nicer! My friend (who is totally litvish) married a chassidish guy. I've never been to a chassidish wedding before, so it was definitely an experience! The chupah was outside in the freezing cold, right next to the train. An ambulance passed by like 3 times, and the train went by a few times also. Not exactly the ambiance you want at your wedding. There was no music at the chupah- the men just sang him down the isle. And then under the chupah they didn’t use a microphone, so my friend and I went inside halfway through since we couldn’t hear anyway. At the meal- the chosson and kallah didn’t sit together! They each sat on separate sides!!! The kallah is from my city, and we went to high school together and there were a bunch of girls from my city in New York, so they all came to the wedding also, so we all made it a very “out of town” type of wedding. It was really a very nice wedding, and I had a great time.

Back home on Sunday, the 3rd wedding in a week, the wedding was VERY nice! The girl’s family has a bit of “extra” money, so it was much nicer than the typical wedding here. Both the chosson and kallah are from my city which made it nice. I don’t know what’s normal for New York weddings, but this wedding had 600 people! She is the 1st girl to get married from her high school class and seminary friends, so she had 7 friends from seminary come into town, and basically her whole high school class was there and she invited tons of other girls. Usually by the 1st dance, the kallah dances with her relatives, and then friends make their way in at the 2nd dance. At this wedding, the friends TOOK OVER. After the kallah danced with her and the chossons immediate family, the friends were the wedding. But none of the girls actually danced- they all just screamed and jumped up and down. THE ENTIRE TIME! All the ladies stood on the side and watched. It was way too intimidating for them to get in the screaming, jumping circle! The only adults (besides for her family) that she danced with, was our principal from high school, and her best friends mother.

My sister said she never danced (read: jump up and down and scream) so much at any wedding, even at our sisters wedding! So for the kallahs friends, it was a really fun wedding! Me and one of my friends didn’t want to scream and jump up and down (especially since it wasn’t one of our good friends- both of our sisters are good friends with her, and I went to high school with her), but we still wanted to dance, so a lot of the time we stood right outside the jumping mob and clapped, or we would start a circle around all the girls. We felt pretty old.

They had a really good singer/band, even though they played some “interesting” music. You know Pink’s song about getting in a fight or whatever? So they played the music from that at one point. Verrrrry interesting ;-P

Not everyone wore black. It was a very colorful wedding. That's what happens at an out of town wedding!

I love weddings, but right now I'm a bit weddinged out.

Will you marry me?

2008-11-13T15:05:00.000-06:00

There are stories about people proposing on billboards, at baseball games on the big tv screen, and a lot of other public ways... But would you have ever thought to put an ad on a website?! Check out Onlysimchas today! Someone proposed to Michelle!
It's a pretty cute idea actually.

A day to remember

2008-11-10T22:27:00.000-06:00

I remember when I was really little, my father took me to the airport and there was a huge crowd of people singing and clapping around some man in a long beard. I couldn’t remember who it was, but I do remember knowing that he was obviously very special. Then he came to my school, and everyone sat along the hallway, and the man walked through us all while we sang. It was something I’ll always remember. (My friends and I were talking about it today, and we figured out that it was Rav Pam.)

A gadol hador (I’m not sure if I should say who because then maybe someone will find out where I live- even though I really do want to put some pictures up!) came to my small little city today for a sheva brachos he was attending. The community made a huge deal out of this of course because it’s something that happens so rarely to us. I thought that the school did a great job of showing the kids how important this man is. The entire elementary school- boys’ school and girl’s school- went in school buses (which makes it a whole field trip) to the hotel that the Rav was going to be at. Everyone waited quietly for the Rav to come, and then when he did, all the boys sang and clapped. Then everyone went into a huge ballroom and danced with the Rav and the girls danced with the Rebbetzin (and with the chosson and kallah). The rebbetzin even danced with each class individually! Then everyone sat down and each kid got a bag of chips and a drink (very special snack) and listened to the rav speak. Even though the younger kids had no idea who this man was, or his significance in our world, they will ALWAYS remember today.

Shidduchim shiur

2008-11-09T23:25:00.000-06:00

Last Wednesday, at the weekly shiur for girls out of seminary, Mrs. S spoke about shidduchim, and I really liked what she said. I really only wrote down the points she was making, so that’s why it’s a bit choppy. And I also forgot to write down any of her sources. (Funny thing she said though: “Speeches about shidduchim after seminary are like speeches about tznius in high school- way over-talked about.”)

We know that finding your match is compared to the splitting of the sea.

The sea didn’t split until Bnai Yisroel cried out. Same with shidduchim, it doesn’t happen until we “cry out” - daven more, do more mitzvos etc. At the time that the yam suf split, everyone knew it was from Hashem. Also in shidduchim we see Hashem so clearly in it. Everyone’s stories are always, “it was SUCH hashgacha!”

The yam suf split into 12 separate paths- not just one. Each person in shidduchim has their own path. Everyone has their own different, separate path that was tailor made just for them.

Before the sea split, Bnai Yisroel thought it was impossible, but then they davened and it split. There was darkness before dawn. Why? Because when we’re in the dark, we intensify our tefillos, and then get the zchus for the light. The darkness is there SO we will strengthen our tefillos.

When the world was created, Hashem made a “deal” with the Sea. The sea was going to split when Bnai Yisroel came to it. It was set to happen. But then when the time came, and Bnai Yisroel was at the sea, it didn’t split. Bnai Yisroel thought it was impossible, so they went INTO the water, and then it split. Why? Because they believed in Hashem anyway. They had no idea that it was SUPPOSED to split. The same thing applies to shidduchim- Its necessary that we daven and have CONFIDENCE in our tefillos. We need to really believe. If we have confidence in our tefillos, then we’ll daven harder. We need to KNOW it’s there.

An example of this is a kid whose father comes home with candy in his pocket. The child KNOWS the candy is there, so he will put extra effort into asking, and won’t just stop after the 1st time the father says no. He really believes that he will get that candy and doesn’t give up.

You need to believe that your tefillos will 100% make a difference. You need to have complete faith in your tefillos. Because it’s in the blueprint of the world that our zivug is there waiting for us. It is SET to happen. At the exact moment that we believe and daven with complete faith, Hashem gives it to us.
This idea of davening for something and getting it is guaranteed with shidduchim, because it’s ours- it belongs to us. With other things, tefillah of course makes a difference, but it’s not necessarily answered in the way we want.

Sometimes when something bad is going on in our life, we bunch all our problems together, and say our whole life is a problem. All the little annoying things all of a sudden become a huge negative thing. So you need to focus on the bracha that you have. You want to be married? Of course you want to be! But that’s not Hashem’s ratzon right now. You need to live accordingly to His ratzon. And you need to be HAPPY living by Hashem’s ratzon. If that’s not where He put you, then that’s not where He wants you.

Hypothetical question

2008-11-06T19:36:00.000-06:00

How halachikly wrong is it for a person to take a test for someone else (with 100% guarantee that they wont get caught)?
Hypothetically.
Ya know like on a scale from 1 to 10. Or on a scale from "You are going to need a lot of kaparos" to "You will go to hell".

And remember, this is totally hypothetical.

Not frum enough for mishmeres

2008-11-05T22:16:00.000-06:00

I live in a pretty small “out of town” city. There are not that many single girls here, but it happens to be that I'm the “least frum” (I don’t pin my shirt to my chin, wear black tights everyday- even in July, I'm looking for a working boy, and I'm not a 8th grade chumash teacher) out of all the ones that are left. I'm still pretty close with a few girls, but it’s definitely a noted point among everyone. More than once I've declined invitations to events or activities because they're just things I'm not interested in.

Tonight at our weekly Wednesday night shiur (which hopefully I’ll have time to write about later), the speaker was going on and on about this whole mishmeres thing that “we” are all doing and how it’s so nice, and its such ahavas yisroel to daven for someone else, and it’s cleansing our mouths so that our tefillos can go straight to Hashem. And how it’s so nice that for 2 hours everyday, we watch what we say… and on and on and on. I was totally lost. I was like huh? What mishmeres thing?

After the shiur was over, I asked one of my friends what she was talking about. My friend was like, “oh yea, I wondered why you weren’t on the list.” She told me that girls take on 2 hours a day to not speak loshon hora, in the zchus of a different girl every 2 weeks to get married.

And apparently ALL the post seminary girls were doing it. But they didn’t ask me. Did they think I wouldn’t be interested in not speaking loshon hora for 2 hours a day? And how come no one is not speaking loshon hora for MY zchus to get married?!

I know I can be sensitive sometimes, but seriously, in a community this small, with so few girls, you don’t just FORGET about someone.
I'm working on not taking it personally.

Bridal Showers

2008-11-02T22:05:00.000-06:00

In the last week, I had the zchus to be at 3 bridal showers. Living in a very small out of town community, things like that don’t happen often! Bridal showers are a funny thing. Different people go about it different ways.

One of the showers I went to recently was really unique and fun. Everyone was told to bring a recipe and a piece of advice, and there were tables set up with tons of scrapbooking materials and everyone made a scrapbook page. I had a great time and I actually stayed a long time, getting really into my page.

There are some girls who open presents at showers and some who don’t. It’s becoming a new thing (at least in my part of the world) to skip the present opening. Because what’s the point? Everyone knows what you’re getting already. They all saw the registry. And then when you open the presents what are you supposed to say? “Oh thank you Mrs. Katz! This is exactly the set of measuring cups that I wanted!” Um yea, well you did make a list of everything you wanted, and then on the shower invitation it told everyone what stores they should go to.

At some showers the chosson comes in and gives his present to the kallah. All the mothers "awwww”, and say how sweet he is.
Or he comes at the end to help carry everything and the mothers still “awwww”.

I haven’t yet been to a shower where someone DIDN’T register at Bed Bath and Beyond. Though one of my friends registered at Walmart. I had no idea people who shopped at Walmart actually got married. I thought they just have a “baby daddy”. JK! I go to Walmart all the time!

There’s usually one friend gives the bride lingerie at the shower. It’s always from Victoria’s Secret, so everyone knows right away what it is by that pink striped packaging. The kallah blushes and everyone laughs kind of awkwardly. She NEVER opens it in front of everyone.

Mostly everyone finds showers boring and can’t wait to leave. The best kind of shower games are the ones played WHILE the bride is opening the presents. People get annoyed when they play a 30 minute game about the bride, and then they have to sit there and watch her open presents.

I hope to have many more bridal showers to attend in the future!

Prank phone call

2008-10-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

This guy I know just called me and told me he was calling me back. I told him that I never called him. Someone who sounds like me had called him from my number and said something really obscene and perverted over and over again, but the reception was bad, so he hung up and called me back. I was in the middle of watching a movie and my phone was right next to the whole time. I told him it wasn’t me, and he knows I'm not the type of person to say that to someone! I've heard about these calling cards or whatever that you can put someone else’s number to show up on the caller ID… but no ones ever done this to me! This is so high school. Is there any other explanation?

WHO WOULD DO THAT?!?!?!?!

Security you can count on

2008-10-29T22:49:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine took this picture at a shul in LA, and I thought it was pretty cute.

He's so gay. Um, well actually he IS.

2008-10-27T23:12:00.000-05:00

There’s this guy I know from this kiruv program I do, lets call him Moshe. My group of friends and I were friendly with him at a past shabbaton (or maybe I should say that HE was very friendly) and I'm friends with him on Facebook, and I’ve always noticed that his statuses are always very “gay”. I just assumed he was a very feminine guy who was obsessed with Gossip Girl and very excited to see High School Musical 3. I was actually impressed that he was so confident with his masculinity that he wasn’t afraid to be open about these things. Today, he uploaded a new album titled “My obsessions”. In this album are pictures of all the celebrities that he really likes. More than half are pictures of guys. And about 2/3 of THOSE pictures, are shirtless guys. I was like hmmm, something’s up. I IMed my friend who knows him and this is our conversation word for word (names changed):

me: u know moshe
Sara: ya...hes gay!!!!
me: is he gay?
like for real?
Sara: we were friends with him on the shabbaton!
call me now!
me: WHATTTTTT
omgggg
k

Of course I called Sara right away and she proceeded to tell me about how a few weeks ago she was at a birthday party for her friend, and Moshe was there. He was a bit drunk, and they were talking about the upcoming kiruv shabbaon. He said he wasn’t going anymore because they kicked him out.
Because he is gay.
HE CAME OUT TO MY FRIEND!

I'm very accepting and non-judgmental, but I was so surprised because I have never before known an openly gay frum guy!

Do you think that if I'm really nice to him, he will be my gay best friend? I've really wanted one of those for a very long time.

Parenting

2008-10-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

When I think about having kids someday, I have mixed feelings: Excitement, anticipation and fear.

Raising kids in today’s world is terrifying. I want my kids to be open-minded and well-rounded, but how will I know if I'm exposing them to too much? How will I be able to trust my kids (and even let them out of the house!) when I know all the crazy, stupid, bad things I did?

You see these perfect, well behaved kids and wonder exactly what their parents did, but it doesn’t work like that for every child. Two parents can do the exact same thing and end up with very different results. And one parent can do the same thing with two different kids and also have different results.

I believe that it’s not 100% the parents fault if their child does stupid things, but I'm sure there is something that the parents could have done differently.

When I hear a piece of good parenting advice or see a parent doing something I want to make sure I NEVER do, I write it down in my journal. I feel like I better take all the advice I can get now! I can imagine that being a parent is hard, and it’s not easy to always value your child’s opinion or to let them be independent when you undoubtedly know what the best thing is. I guess you have to let your child learn from their mistakes. But I can imagine that that is a VERY difficult thing to watch.

I’ve gone out with guys who have asked me what I want my kids to be like (weird question, right? But I've had at least 3 guys ask me that!). I always answer, “The next gadol hador of course!” and then they always say, “Ok, but realistically?” And I tell them that I’m being serious. Why cant I have big dreams for my children? I don’t EXPECT my sons to be the next Reb Moshe Feinstein or my daughters the next Sarah Shneirer, but why cant I HOPE for that? But nowadays (thanks Ezzie for the spelling help) the most anyone can hope for is that their child keep shabbos.

How do I know I won't be one of those lazy parents who even when they sense that something might be going on, it takes too much effort and strain on their unflawed lives to look into it, and actually do something about it, so they just ignore it. They don’t want to break the naïve faultless image that they have in their mind of their child, so they would rather not know about any problems. So many awful things happen that could be prevented, if parents would just open their eyes and take action before it’s too late.

There are so many different parenting books with different opinions and new ideas, how do you know which one is the best? Do parents try every single one until they find one that works?

How is anyone ever ready to be a parent?!

I guess you can only do your best and pray that GD will do the rest.

I know you’re probably wondering why am I trying to perfect my parenting skills without even having yet found the man to have these kids with? I don’t know. This is just something I think about.

How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight?

2008-10-26T17:19:00.000-05:00

I found this from here. It's only a little bit disturbing.
I could take 13. I'm not sure how I should feel about that.

Weight training

2008-10-24T17:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday in my P.E. class, our activity was “weight training”. We went to the weight room, and my teacher showed us how to use different weights and what we were expected to do by the end of the class. We had to choose an exercise in each of the 3 categories, and then we had to do each one 3 times (while holding weights) for about 15-25 times. So that’s 9 exercises. No big deal right?

So that was yesterday.

Today, I can’t walk.

Usually when you’re Charlie horse, it just hurts when you walk up stairs or do something “strenuous”. But I literally can’t even walk. I can’t sit down or get up from a chair. I am in so much pain.

It’s so pathetic. I need to start working out more. (Spencer and Nick- both on the baseball team- benched like a gazillion pounds and I couldn't even lift the bar without any weights on it.)

Low cut shirts

2008-10-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

A girl in my math class wears a shirt that is so low, that it shows the top of her bra (brown today). And this wasn’t just a one time thing- she dresses like this every single class. Most non Jewish girls can tell that a shirt is too low when her boobs are hanging out, and way too much cleavage is showing (and this girl has huge boobs!). It just looks slutty and distasteful. I understand that guys like looking at that and girls are trying to impress and get attention, but c’mon, do u have to wear a shirt so low that everyone sees the top of your bra?! I feel kind of bad for her. She’s not a bad looking girl, not gorgeous but not ugly by any means. She is a bit chubby, but not fat. (Ever notice that the frum girl definition of fat is a size 10, while in the non Jewish world, that’s pretty normal?) But all I could think about was why she felt like she had to expose herself so indecently. Maybe she has low self esteem and is insecure? Ok so maybe she’ll get some meaningless flirting out of it, but will a guy ever take her seriously when she’s practically flashing the world? When she gets dressed in the morning and looks in the mirror does she say “oh no, this shirt doesn’t show enough cleavage, I have to go change.” Does she really think it looks good when her humongous boobs hang out of her shirt so that it’s almost like they have a life of their own? I think she needs a non slutty friend to help her go shopping and get dressed. I don’t know if I'm just noticing this because I'm frum and cover my collar bone, so this is an extreme difference than what I wear, but I don’t think so- I don’t see anyone else dressing like that in math class.

Old people

2008-10-22T19:22:00.000-05:00

While I was at shul over yom tov, I noticed something that made me so sad. People either think an elderly person is helpless while they really aren't, or the elderly person really IS helpless. My heart ached as I watched a lady continuously show my friend’s grandmother the place in the siddur, when she CLEARLY knew exactly where it was, and was probably getting annoyed after the 10th time. I felt bad for her that people just assume she doesn’t know what is going on just because she is old. But then what if she was one of those old people who were kind of out of it, and did need help, and then people weren’t helping because they didn’t want to assume that she was helpless, so then the entire davening she has no idea what’s going on or where they're up to. That would be pretty sad too.

I don’t want to get old and be either of those types.

Elementary school memories

2008-10-20T13:23:00.000-05:00

This might be boring for people to read, but I had fun writing it!

Up until 7th grade, I went to a co-ed school. In about 5th grade, the girls were all getting their periods, but were very embarrassed about it. In the middle school girls’ bathroom, there was a box of tampons/pads hanging on the wall and when you opened the bathroom door, you could see the box. It was something that at our righteous age of 12, we would steal and laugh at because we were immature. One day in science class, a boy walks in and asks a group of us girls what the box in our bathroom was. I cleverly (or so I thought at the time) replied with, “it’s a juice machine”. He looked at us in awe and exclaimed, “That’s not fair! How come you guys get a juice machine and we don’t?!” and of course, all the girls giggled and it was the joke for the rest of the year.

One day in 5th grade I was taking a drink from the water fountain while wearing my favorite dress (this was back in the day when even 7th graders wore dresses). It was light pink, and had big watermelons on the front of it. I thought this dress was really cute! Anyway, I'm bending down sipping the cool germy (public water fountains gross me out now) water, and the boy in line behind me (Joey was his name), said, “I can see your training bra”. I was mortified. I turned bright red and said something along the lines of “I don’t care”. Oh yea, in 5th grade I had amazing comebacks.

When I was in 6th grade, it was sooo cool to have a disc man, and the Savage Garden CD.

We would pass notes to boys by leaving them in their locker. There were always at least four love triangles going on at once. (Me and 2 of my friends all liked the same boy and he wrote us all notes saying he only liked us. We all felt pretty good until we compared notes...)

6th grade was the 1st time one of my friends kissed a boy. She did it at school, outside a window, where people were watching (she didn't realize until after when she was the talk of the school). She called him her boyfriend. He called her a girl he kissed.

One of my friends stuffed her bra with tissues. (Same girl who was going around kissing boys. Hmmm now I know how she got all the boys!!!)

In 8th grade me and 2 friends were the movie "Mean Girls". Not the year I'm most proud of. Peer pressure sucks big time.

The 1st PG13 movie I watched was "Clueless".

In my Spottie Dottie diary I “rated” boys. I had two categories. One was of “boys I like” and the other was of “boys I think are cute” (the boys I liked were all in the boys I thought were cute category of course). I wrote their name and then next to it was marks. A star meant that I like them as a friend also. Dots meant not only like, but LOVE; with the number of dots showing how in love I was. (4 boys had dots.) A check meant I only kind of like them. And “O.S.” meant I only sometimes liked them. (I guess it depended on the day?) This sounds more complicated than it really was. I had a pretty good system going.

Tapped in the back of my diary I had another paper with our “code names” on it. We had a code name for practically every boy worth mentioning. We even had a code name for Hanson and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT) as well. Because you never know when we might be hanging out with the Hanson brothers or JTT and we’ll want to talk about them without them knowing.

Stalking a potential shidduch made easier

2008-10-20T01:11:00.000-05:00

I found this site from a new blog I found. All I can do is laugh. But cmon, seriously- how stalkerish IS that?! You type in a guys name, and you get info (very little info, I must add) about him. It's too weird for me. What happened to the days of just searching for them on Facebook? Now you have to search for them on another site as well to see if they made the cut (I searched a few guys that weren't in the database). If I was a guy and saw that I was on there, I would be more than a little creeped out. But what are Lakewood boys names doing on the internet anyway? And how come girls aren't on the site?

Fakeness

2008-10-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

Fake people irk me. Since Judaism became a “who’s frummer than who” contest, a lot of people feel like they need to fake it to make it. Girls in shidduchim are the WORST. Girls feel like they need to be the frummest, most perfect girl or they’ll never get a shidduch. The girls who wear those long black pleated skirts, a sweater set and patent leather flats before their married, and then the morning after their wedding, they're wearing a shirt so tight it must have been painted on, a skirt that just hits the knees, no stockings, and slutty heels. Girls who won’t wear dark nail polish while they're in shidduchim, but then it’s OK once they're married. How come everything that’s assur before you’re married, becomes OK as soon as you are? I have so many friends who didn’t go to movie theaters, but then once they're married, they go all the time with their hubby. If they believe in something, why does marriage change that? They must not have really believed in it. Girls who say they don’t watch movies, but are at home every night on their lap top watching TV shows online.

In seminary, I saw a friend of mines boyfriend on the street, so I was talking to him for a few minutes and a girl I was with was giving me the nastiest look for talking to a boy. I found out after seminary that she had a boyfriend the entire time.

A few years ago I worked as a secretary in a camp in Brooklyn, and one of the other secretarys commuted everyday from Lakewood, and appeared to be pretty yeshivish. One day she was talking to another secretary about all the movies she loves, and which actors she thought were hott. I was only a little surprised. But then she went on to say how they have a TV in their home, but they have to hide it, and she can’t tell anyone about it, or else they’ll be kicked out of Lakewood. I was like HUH?! So what I don’t get is how her “super yeshivish” husband, who learns in Lakewood “ir hakodesh”, watches Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Italian Job. So what exactly is he thinking about while he’s learning?

I really try hard not to be fake, and pray to G-D I’ll still find a shidduch. (It might be why I'm not married yet, but I refuse to give in.)

I watch movies.
Sometimes I talk to boys.
I always get my nails painted a dark color when I get a manicure.
Sometimes when I go to the grocery store I’m too lazy to put on stockings.

You have no idea how long I can go on and rant about this. But I think I’ll end here before it gets out of hand.

You are fabulous!

2008-10-12T23:41:00.000-05:00

I saw this on One Frum Skeptics blog and thought it was great! Who doesn't love flattery?!

Blogger Facebooks

2008-10-12T16:29:00.000-05:00

Can someone please explain to me what the point of having a Facebook account under your blog name is? I don’t get why people do that... if people want to talk to you, then they can email you or comment on a post. It’s not like people are putting up pictures or personal information on their Facebook. And all the information that’s in a Facebook profile can go on your blog profile. I’m not friends with any bloggers on Facebook, since I’m strictly only friends with people I actually know, so I’m not sure exactly what I’m missing out on, but I can’t imagine that it’s much.

What day is it?

2008-10-12T08:55:00.000-05:00

With all these Holidays, one after another, and shabbos in between, It's hard to remember what day it is. When I woke up this morning, I lay in bed for literally a minute just thinking about what day it was, and if it was shabbos, yom tov, or just a regular day. One of these days I'm not going to remember and turn on a light or something on shabbos.

Yom Kippur

2008-10-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

A few points I wanted to make now that Yom Kippur is over:

~I love my shul.
~I always dread Yom Kippur, but when its actually happening, it's not really so bad.
~Walking to shul at 5:30am is so refreshing.
~It's surprising how many people are out jogging at 5:30am
~No matter how early I go to sleep the night before, I'm still falling asleep during kriyas hatorah.
~More people have fake Crocs than the real ones.
~Even when I wear 2 sweatshirts and a coat, I'm still freezing cold at shul.
~A whole shul of people not wearing deodorant, starts to smell by neilah.
~Little kids think its "cool" to daven at naiytz.
~The mens shoes are always the most fun to look at.
~There's never enough room for the men in shul.
~At the naiytz minyan, it's a very big deal where the girls sit.
~Coming to the naiytz minyan after the regular minyan has already started is cheating.
~Always bring 2 cars to shul, so that when Yom Kippur is over, you don't have to wait around for your father to daven maariv and kiddush lvanah!

Current events

2008-10-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

Ever since I’ve been out of high school, I have no idea what’s going on in the world. I miss those days when I would sit in Ms. D’s history class and she would show us “some video” of what was on the news the night before. During the elections I was very informed, and actually knew what I was talking about when I discussed politics with people. This election I steer clear of any political conversations, in fear of sounding like a complete idiot. I have internet, and my family gets the newspaper delivered everyday, but I just don’t remember to look. It’s really horrible that I'm so out of touch with the events of the world. I'm so oblivious and unknowledgeable that it’s embarrassing! I always find out really important information weeks later from overhearing a conversation and then I'm like “huh?! How come no one told me?!” I always feel so uncultured, but really it’s my own fault. I am such a cliché; A Bais Yaakov girl who is completely ignorant about current events.

Plane ticket UPDATE

2008-10-07T18:00:00.000-05:00

Ya know that phrase "good things come to those who wait"? (or something like that) So I didn't buy the plane ticket before when it was $380 and now its $270!!!! This is the cheapest I've seen it in a very very VERY long time!

I think I might plan 2 trips to New York now! Yay! :-)

Cellphones on dates

2008-10-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

If a guy answers his cell phone or reads a text on a date, it’s usually automatically a no for me. (I don’t say no for only this reason, but it’s definitely taken into account). I’ve turned my phone on silent for every single one of the dates I’ve ever been on. Why is it so hard for guys to do the same? It might not be that it’s hard for them to be without their phone for a few hours, but maybe it’s that they just don’t realize it’s rude. Which in my book, is way worse. A guy without tact is such a turnoff.

Perfection

2008-09-29T01:17:00.000-05:00

Ya know those moments in life, where everything bad, and anything stressful just seems non-existent? Even if for only a few minutes, Life is perfect. A moment like this can happen at any time. It can be when you're hanging out with friends and just laughing. It can be when you're walking on shabbos in beautiful weather. It can be when you're in bed reading a good book. It can be when you're driving around aimlessly with a friend with the music blasting so loud that the cars next to you are vibrating and you're both singing on the top of your lungs (definition of my high school career). Or it can be when you're holding a precious newborn baby. I love noticing these moments while they're happening. I look around and just feel so unbelievably happy about all the good that is in my life, and try to make that moment last for as long as possible.

Last minute Rosh Hashana preparation

2008-09-28T23:45:00.000-05:00

I know this is a bit last minute, but it's never too late! I saw this and thought it was pretty good, and can really be used all year!

Music

2008-09-27T21:01:00.000-05:00

Recently on a date, the guy said something that i thought was interesting. We were talking about how I don't listen to non-jewish music, and he said that the question isn't what's so wrong with non-jewish music, but whats so RIGHT about jewish music?
My response was, "hmmm".

Grades

2008-09-27T20:58:00.000-05:00

Back in the good old days of high school- I didn’t really care about school work. I did the minimum of what was required, and sometimes got an A and sometimes got a C. But I was happy with either grade. I felt bad for the girls that actually cared. None of them were going to an Ivy League college, or even something besides Touro, Maalot or Community College, so why waste your time? I did well on my SATs and ACTs, so wasn’t that all that mattered? I had a good time in school, while they were busy making themselves crazy over tests and reports.
But now that I’m in college- I really care. It’s so different from how I used to be, it’s almost creepy! I’m not used to caring about my grades. Now I’m only satisfied with an A, while in high school, I was ok with whatever was the passing grade. A few of my friends actually make fun of me now about how studious I am! They’re like what happened to you?!
I was just talking about this with a friend of mine on shabbos, and we thought maybe it's a "frum girl" thing. They don't care about the education or the knowledge, they just care about the grades.

Sometimes it’s nice to actually care and take pride in what you do, but then it becomes sad if you don’t do well on something. Sometimes I miss being carefree, relaxed, and so easy-going about school.

Plane ticket

2008-09-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

Remember when you could buy a plane ticket for $150??? $120 was cheap, and $170 was expensive...

Now, $350 is cheap, but sometimes you're lucky to get it under $450. I have a friends wedding in NY at the end of November, and I don't want to buy the $380 ticket now because what if it goes down... but, it could also go up.

I hate gambling.

Powerful video

2008-09-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

Very powerful video.

Funny Isn't It?

2008-09-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

In high school, the student council (aka G.O.) gave out "articles" with inspirational poems, funny quotes or stories with a lesson. I saved a bunch of them, and was looking through old high school stuff, and found a few that I liked.

Funny how $100 “looks” so big when you give it to tzedakah, but so small when you take it to the mall.

Funny how long it takes to serve G-D for an hour, but how quickly a team plays 60 minutes of basketball.

Funny how long a couple of hours spent at shul is, but how short they are when watching a movie.

Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we daven, but don’t have difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we get thrilled when a baseball game goes into extra innings, but we complain when a shiur is longer than regular time.

Funny how hard it is to read a parsha in the Torah, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a best selling novel.

Funny how people scramble to get a front row seat at a concert, but scramble to get a back seat at shul.

Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a shul event into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule for any other events at the last moment.

Funny how hard it is for people to learn a simple midrash well enough to tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat lashon hora.

Funny how we believe what the newspaper says, but question what the Torah says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to Olam Haba- provided they do not have to believe, or think, or say, or do anything.

Testing...

2008-09-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

I wanted to try posting a picture on here, because I wasn't sure if I knew how... so what trial picture is better than a picture of Jessica Alba?! (I have a small Jessica Alba obsession, but don't worry- I don't let it interfere with my life.)

Weddings

2008-09-23T14:15:00.000-05:00

I watched my friends wedding video a few days ago, and I noticed 2 things:

1.The chosson danced with each person as though it was the 1st person he was dancing with. I have never seen anyone smile so genuinely at every single person they danced with. I couldn’t tell at all who his best friends were, or even who the relatives were. He danced with the same smile and enthusiasm for every person. You could see on his face that he was truly thrilled to be dancing with each person. It was really amazing to see, and I hope that at my wedding- I act (and hopefully feel) the same way he did!

2.The guys who dance crazy are “cool” and the girls who dance crazy “aren’t tznius”. It’s not fair.

Elul

2008-09-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

I went to a shiur tonight (woohoo! yay for me!!!) and it was by far the best shiur I’ve heard in a very long time. At the end, the woman who spoke told over something that her husband heard a while ago from R’ Yaakov Moshe Katz while learning in the Mir. I wasn’t taking notes, so this absolutely does NOT do justice to what she said, but I really liked it, and thought I would share.

People who think that now that it’s elul, they should work on saying asher yatzar slowly, or bentch looking inside the bentcher...they are wrong. This is NOT what elul is about! This is NOT what we should be working on. But one might say- what?! Why not?! These are very good things to work on! These things are important! But that is not the ikur of our lives. We are not in this world to say a better asher yatzar, or a better birkat hamazon. We are here to improve our character. The middos behind these actions are what we should be working on. The action is because of the middah. If there’s an action we are doing that we don’t like, we need to find the middah behind it.

For example: Saying asher yatzar slowly- the middah behind that can be patience. If we're in traffic and we have a whole list of things that we need to do, and we're on the phone to our friend venting- don’t say- "I’ll work on not venting to my friend when I’m stuck in traffic while I have a million things to do". Work on emunah. Hashem knows what He’s doing. Maybe He doesn’t want you to do those things today. When we're screaming at our sister for borrowing a skirt without asking- don’t work on "I won’t yell at my sister when she takes things without asking". Work on patience, or anger.

Throughout the day while we do things, we can identify what middah is behind each action. This goes for good or bad. If we go help a mother out on an afternoon- this can be because of ahavas chessed, or maybe ahavas yisroel. When we give tzedakah, this is because we are a generous, giving person. There is a middah behind everything.

When we see we're doing something bad- we need to work on the MIDDAH. Not the action. And working on the middah will consequently bring us to changing the action.

And by changing out middos to emulate Hashem, this will bring us to our ultimate goal- becoming closer to Hashem.

A must read

2008-09-14T00:44:00.000-05:00

I know this is pretty popular and many people have already read it, but for those of you who haven't- read it asap! It's really great!

Ani maamin

2008-09-13T23:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I’m scared that I don’t believe in Hashem.

If I REALLY and TRULY believed in Hashem, then I would be perfect. I wouldn’t do anything wrong. Maybe it’s that I don’t believe in hell? It’s hard to believe in something (Hashem and hell) that is so intangible.
I used to think that anyone that goes "off the derech" isn’t a thinking person. How can a thinking person stop keeping shabbos or kosher? How can a thinking person stop keeping halachos of tznius? How can a thinking person have sex with someone they’re not married to? If they fully understood and believed the concept of Hashem- they wouldn’t be doing such horrible things! And how can u NOT believe?! They must shut off their brain and not think, because it is impossible to be doing such things while thinking.

But really I’m just like them- just I am more scared and less extreme.
How can a thinking person speak loshon hora? How can a thinking person forget to say a bracha before eating, or after going to the bathroom? How can a thinking person not know every single halacha of shabbos? I know these are all hard things- but if I fully understood and believed the concept of Hashem- I wouldn’t be doing such horrible things! I must not be thinking.

But I do think! So I don’t get it… do I not believe?

You know how when you look at someone who is super holy and frum and you think, “wow, I wish I could be like them.”? I think that too, but I always add in "except..." There are certain things that I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to ever pin my shirt collar so it’s practically a turtleneck on a regular t-shirt. I don’t want to ever be so sheltered that I don’t know who Brittany Spears is. OK, really bad example. I don’t mind not knowing who she is. More like, Jessica Alba (hehehe if you know me, then you know my obsession). I don’t want to only eat cholov yisroel.

Can I be holy and frum even if I don’t do these things?! Why do I think it is ok? Why do these things seem inconsequential, therefore ignored. If I really believed, then these things would be just as significant and crucial to work on as everything else.

Sometimes I want to just say WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?

But I don't, cuz cursing is wrong.

Do you learn?

2008-09-11T16:01:00.000-05:00

I would like to preface this post by saying that I am NOT a feminist! I just think it's important for girls to have Judaism in their lives! :-)

As soon as a Jewish girl graduates high school (or comes back from seminary), unless she’s teaching Judaic studies (aka Limudai Chodesh if your really frum), there is hardly any Judaism in her life. I guess we just reason that we’re not in school anymore, so that element of our lives is over. For guys it’s a given that they’re supposed to learn and daven with a minyan, so that’s just how they go about their life. Girls have to go out of their way to "learn". Most girls just do their thing; davening everyday like they were taught, going to school and work… of course making brachos and dressing tzniusly, but that’s all habit! We need to break from the routine and make time in our busy lives, to learn! Thank G-D I live in an "out of town" community that is very growth oriented, so the “post seminary girls” arrange shiurim once a week. But sometimes it’s not what I want to hear, I’m not in the mood to go anywhere, or maybe I’m just not in the mood to sit and listen to someone talk! But I feel like, “Oh no this is my only chance this week to have Judaism in my life- I better take what I can get!” It shouldn't be like that though! We can't wait for other people to take initiative; we need to be proactive!
I started learning with a girl in a public high school the book, "The Thinking Jewish Teenagers Guide to Life" by Akiva Tatz. Of course I was happy to help her incorporate some Judaism in her life, but I didn’t really feel like I was learning. To learn one of those "How to Be Happy" or “What Davening Means to Women” books by "fun, girly" rabbis (Rabbi Orlofsky, Rabbi Rietti etc. [totally nothing against them! I love listening to them speak!]), just doesn’t seem the same as learning halacha or actual chumash. Girls out of seminary RARELY learn chumash!!! Of course I’m not knocking learning those “How to Be Happy” and “What Davening Means to Women” books. I think those are important as well! Everyone needs hashkafa in their life! But I think that most of the time, girls only focus on hashkafa, and not at all on Tanach.
A couple years ago I was an assistant in a Kindergarten Limudai Chodesh (you can tell it was very frum) class. I learned parsha every week! Even though I only learned it on a 5 year olds level, the basics were better than nothing! We don’t realize how much of what we’ve learned, we forgot! It’s sad the amount of girls who don’t know what the weekly parsha is!
But how many of us are looking for guys who are full time learners or even a working guy learning at least once a day or a few times a week? How can we ask for such a thing when we don’t even learn ourselves?! If we find it difficult to sit and learn for 20 minutes, how can we expect to get a guy who learns for double that amount EVERYDAY?!?!?!

OK, so now that I’ve yelled at myself, what am I going to do to change?

Self Control is our way of life

2008-09-10T18:18:00.000-05:00

Being a frum jew takes A LOT of self control. But we usually overlook the things that come easy to us. Example: Eating kosher. Non-Jewish people ask us, "Can you eat [insert non kosher food here] if no one is looking?" We answer, "of course not!" We don’t even a taiyva for it. If we're eating something and realize in the middle that it's not kosher, then we spit it out real fast and throw the package away. But what if it tasted sooooo good? Same reaction. Another example: Being mechalel shabbos. If we need to get something from a dark room on shabbos, do we look around and check if anyone is watching then quickly flip on the light, find what we need, and the quickly shut it again? No! That idea doesn't even enter into our heads! This way of life is so engrained in us that it's not even a question. But to the "outside" world, we have A LOT of self control. And I agree! If we can abide to all the rules of restricting our diet, limiting our weekend activities, not following America’s idea of “style”, then we are STRONG. Don’t overlook and disregard this incredible trait that distinguishes us from “the rest”. Be proud! Imagine where else in life we can use this amazing quality that we all have! If we can be frum, we can do anything!

Stressed

2008-09-04T20:17:00.000-05:00

i am very stressed out.

I'm taking 3 classes in school- which is just short of the minimum for full time... but these are very time consuming classes! I'm taking a biology telecourse (which means i have to read the book, watch videos, take quizzes on it and mail them in.) which basically means i have to teach myself biology. I'm also taking the lecture PE class which is easy, and then a math class which isn't too bad (yet. bli ayin hora!!!) but it takes a lot of concentration in class and time during my 4 hours a night homework!
but- i also just got a job. i worked for one day and wanted to quit in the 1st half hour. I'm the receptionist/customer service person for an online disposable partyware company. (check it out! smartyhadaparty.com - they have some pretty cool/useful stuff!) so its a fairly easy job... but its only me and this older lady in the office. the one day i worked so far was just training me in on how to use the system to take orders and fix peoples problems. i was sooooo bored! and that's going to take at least another 2 weeks. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate it. I'm wayyyy too much of a people person to spend an entire day in this tiny office with just Delores! (seriously, at the end of the day i had a massive headache and i felt nauseous) i don't want to quit yet cuz i feel like i should give it more time, and maybe ill like it. and also ill feel irresponsible a little. but on the other hand, if i stay a few weeks and give it a shot, but then still don't like it, ill feel horrible quiting cuz it takes a lot of time to train someone in- and i don't want them to waste their time!

all i can think about now is how much work i have to do, but no time to do it, since ill be at work at this job i hate. im anxious all the time (im even breaking out! promise!) trying to figure out what to do.

why do i get myself into these things?!

To be a model or not to be a model... there isnt really a question

2008-09-04T15:56:00.000-05:00

my uncle calls me today....
uncle: hi, could u send me a picture of you and your brother?
me: ummm... why?
uncle: I'm making a new singles website and i wanted pictures of some good looking people on the home page.

(yesssss i know hes biased- but I'm still flattered!)

i told him no way. of course i said it nicely, but hes modern orthodox (55 yrs old and unmarried) so he didn't really understand why i would say no. he was even willing to pay me! he went on and on about how this site would be better than frumster and jdate- with new features and graphics. AND- its totally FREE! he thought that would sell me... but um no. so he asked if i had any (good looking) friends that would be interested... of course i have TONS of extremely hott/pretty/gorgeous friends--- but i doubt any of them would want to be the advertising picture for a Jewish singles website. he COULD NOT understand this. i tried explaining to him that while there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating sites, my friends were involved in shidduchim, and wouldn't want their picture to be seen by just anyone on a dating website... like how weird would that be--- someone i know is checking out the site, and BAM! there i am on the front page! awkward!

maybe I'm wrong?

would u do it?

Tznuis- A constant battle for girls

2008-08-31T03:04:00.000-05:00

I couldn't sleep and for some reason was in the mood to write... so here goes:

I'm in college and I have to take 2 credits of P.E. class for my degree. I was really excited about this because the school offered such a variety of classes. I could take dance, billiards, bowling (HA!), kickboxing, basic fitness etc. So I was all into how I would be working out and getting credits for it too! I was really psyched about this and even "saved" the PE classes as a reward to myself for getting through some harder classes 1st. When it came time to register I thought about how the whole thing would pan out... I knew that I would have to wear "gym clothes", but would I wear pants or a skirt? I knew that I wouldn't be able to go running on a treadmill or lifting weights at school in a skirt and long sleeve tshirt. I would look like such an IDIOT! And I know I shouldn't care how I look, especially in front of all these goyim, but I'm sorry- I do care- I would see them twice a week, for 16 weeks! (It's not like going to the gym where u never know if you'll see the same ppl so who cares how you look) So I decided that why should I put myself in a makom sakana?(OK a little extreme but you get my point) I would take a PE lecture class. (Which is a lecture about health and fitness) It also happens to be 3 credits which of course is way better than 1, but I had been really excited abt working out! (I'm so out of shape- walk up a flight of stairs, and I'm out of breath) so I go to class on the 1st day, and the teacher tells us that Tuesdays would be lecture and Thursdays would be a physical activity. All I could think was "WHAT?! I thought this was only lecture!" but I mainly thought I would deal with it when Thursday came. At the end of the class, he told us that every Thursday we should come in in work out clothes and sneakers, but we would be just walking around campus for the 1st few weeks. Wednesday night I was totally stressing abt what to wear to class on Thursday. (hahaha wow that sounds like such a JAPy comment! I'm really not like that!) I was soooo nervous! If I wore pants, I would be soooo self conscious, because I don't usually wear pants in front of a class of guys and I would feel bad about myself for not being so tznius. But if I wore a skirt, I would be the nerd of the class. It was a hard decision. To make it worse, someone I'm friendly with is in the same class with me, and she was 100% wearing pants. And not like sweatpants, but cute tight yoga pants type. Sooo there was some peer pressure involved. Anyway, I went out and looked for pants that weren't tight and that I wouldn't be constantly checking my butt if I had a wedgie or panty line showing (tmi for guys reading this?) or something like that (I could just imagine that scene- I stand up and cute guy nick [on the school baseball team, mind you] sitting right behind me, checks me out [ha I wish] and tada! [OK, I think enough has been said on that subject]) So I found some stuff that I would be OK with and had the whole thing planned out. (My friend was making soooo much fun of me- "whats the big deal?! its just pants!") But then that night, I was thinking about it- I won't wear pants unless I have to. (We all know I'll never have to. Schools now-a-days totally respect religious practices) If we were just walking around campus then I most definitely don't need to wear pants! I went to school the next day in a skirt. And I didn't even feel like that much of a nerd! 1 week down, 15 to go :-)

I have extreme respect for those girls who without any thoughts or questions would be wearing a skirt everyday of the PE class. Recently I was looking at a friend of mines pictures from her family's vacation to Florida. They were all on the beach in bathing suits and laying out tanning, while my friend was completely dressed. completely. I was like WOWWW. I couldn't do that. Her WHOLE FAMILY was wearing bathing suits and I'm sure they made fun of her for being so "frummy". But she stuck with it and did what she knew was right. Serious respect. And envy. I wish I could be that strong!

Personally I think it has a lot to do with how you grew up. My family is completely frum, but growing up, visiting my grandparents in Florida, we all wore bathing suits on the beach. Now that I'm older, obviously my sensitives are stronger and I know that that isn't 100% tznius. I'm completely not blaming my parents or saying they were even wrong, because we were kids then and there are tons of people who say this is totally OK if there are no Jewish men around. In my Bais Yaakov high school, at our dance practices for our play, we all wore pants, even in front of our non-Jewish English principal and the janitors. So I know it's not the worst thing in the world to wear pants once a week for an hour, and I'm making a MUCH bigger deal out of this than necessary, but it's been on my mind. And my theory is, that if you have to ask (or in this case, think about it), then it's probably better to not do it. Tznius a constant battle for girls. Some people more that others, and everyone in a different way, but every girl has this nisayon in her life, and there is always something more that we can be doing. It is never finished. This is my battle for the fall semester :-)

I'm a bit embarrassed at the state of this blog and I know this is a jumble of random thoughts that aren't really well formed or put together, but you'll have to give me a little leeway, as it is 4:30am!

1 Word

2007-02-09T00:52:00.000-06:00

once again got from stam...
The rules are:
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

1. Where is your cellphone?
bed

2. Your spouse/signifant other?
searching

3. Your hair?
Brown

4. Your mother?
working

5. Your father?
out

6. Your favorite item?
cell (not favorite but most important)

7. Your dream last night?
dunno

8. Your favorite drink?
water

9. Your dream car?
MDX

10. The room you are in?
living room (that totally counts as 1 word)

11. Your ex?
annoying

12. Your Fear?
confrontation

13.What do you want to be in 10 years?
happy

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
book

15. What you're not?
smelly (i had no clue what to put here!)

16. Muffins?
blueberry

17. One of your wish list items?
car

18. Time?
late

19. The last thing you did?
facebook

20. What are you wearing?
pjs

21. Your favorite weather?
spring

22. Your favorite book?
romance

23. The last thing you ate?
potatoes

24. Your life?
content

25. Your mood?
tired

26. Your best friend?
away

27. What are you thinking about right now?
bed

28. Your car?
junk

29. What are you doing at the moment?
this

30. Your summer?
clueless

31. Your relationship status?
single

32. What is on your tv?
off

33. The weather?
cold

34. When is the last time you laughed?
today

35. Last time you cried?
recently

What I've done....

2007-01-04T19:50:00.000-06:00

wow its been forever...
but i saw this on stams blog and i liked it...
everything in bold is what ive done...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of the moon.
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero (i dressed up as one... does that count?)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo (does a henna count?)
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

marriage=happiness?!

2006-04-30T01:51:00.000-05:00

recently two of my really good friends got married. its such a weird feeling to have a best friend who has a new best friend that im not friends with. that other person is such a part of their life but so not a part of mine and never will be. they have new secrets with that new best friend. they have new jokes with that new best friend. they have new experiences with that new best friend. all which im not part of. the scary part of it all is that they are so happy and content with their new best friend. that new best friend MAKES them happier.

over the past year marriage has been on my mind alot (as it is with most girls my age ;-P) and ive discussed it at great length with a good friend of mine who really made me look at the whole concept in a new light. a person cant get married in order to make themselves happy. you need to be a happy person before you get married. how can u give your husband a half baked product and ask him to do the rest. i dont think its fair to yourself or to the person you marry to give them an incomplete product. you dont get married because youre bored or because "all the cool kids are doing it" or because youre unhappy. people sometimes tend to think that marriage will solve all your issues and make life just nice and dandy.
**marriage doesnt make your problems disappear!**
in order to get married you need to be completely content with yourself and wanting to grow more. but you need to be able to give all of yourself completely to your husband. you cant be looking for him to complete you.

of course this is where someone can bring in the whole idea of how each person is really like half and her husband "completes" her... this is an amazing concept and is completely true. but what im saying is that your half needs to be complete. you need to FEEL whole. and then when you get married you realize what you were missing. you cant feel the ache of being half before youre married. you cant be dependent on someone to "complete" you. and then once youre married you become even happier than you could have ever imagined.

you might ask what made me the expert on marriage. im not. these are just my ideas. you dont need to agree. but also no one told you to read this ;-P

my 5th 1st blog

2006-04-26T17:54:00.000-05:00

its funny, cuz this is like the 5th time ive made a blog/online diary/hock type of thing but everytime i post like one thing but then forget my user name or password or just totally forget about it in general. but really ive never been so fond of blogs because i never really saw the point in them. all the blogs ive read havent been private so i wasnt reading a big huge secret about the person. and i never understood why anyone would want to read about what someone did that day (which is usually what blogs are about) or all their complaints on life when ur freinds with them and talk to them and they tell u the exact same things that are in their blogs anyway. i kinda feel like people do it for attention or maybe theyre hoping someone they arent freinds with (but they wish they were) is googling them and reading it (which is highly unlikely). but once again im really bored and decided to make another blog. im a huge hypocrite. i dont have anything intresting to say and im not a good writer but itll give me something to go when im bored hopefully. just picking what template to make my blog in took 20 minutes! man, way too many choices!!!! and then u cant do the same as one of ur friends cuz thats totally against the rules... so i got stuck with pink cuz no one else is girly enough to have it. oh well i like it!
i didnt tell anyone about this so if ur reading this, stop stalking me! lol jk... feel free to comment!